Post by Sesu Reinoruzu on Mar 19, 2011 11:30:15 GMT -5
As the other thread may be a little spammy and it is a little unorganized, I will restart the thread here with all chapters in order, no-one is able to reply or create threads so it will be fairly neat.
Post by Sesu Reinoruzu on Mar 19, 2011 11:30:51 GMT -5
In the days of before, a legend of a man, a young traveler by the name of Ivan. He traveled across many lands to deliver a cure to the lord of Glitchkillia, King Punk. The king was suffering from dinner thought overload, and without the king, Glitckillia's economy was failing. The markets where flooded with non-posting members and the Town forum was ridden with civilians who where constantly asking each others questions.
"Time is running short" Ivan thought, "The king could have a stomach ache by now." A wind from the south was picking up, whipping Ivan's cloak into the airs. " I have a feeling something veil is amuck." Almost as if on cue, a figure emerged from a nearby bush, whipping his staff and D*** in a wild fashion. Ivan steeped back. "What are you?!" Ivan yelled. "Why...I'm nothing more than your demise, Fear me traveler, for I am The Magician of Men, The Bringer of buttsehx, And mostly, the Alchemist of Aids. I am LEXA THE GREAT. "Axel...I know it's you..."Ivan said with a uncaring expression." "Very well, you know of my identity, therefore, I shall fight you, for you have something that interest me. "Say my P**** and I'll kill you" "Never! But that sword you have, I believe it can channel magic from it's user to form some sort of blast." "A good eye you have, O' Aidsy one, but to take my weapon, you'll have to pry it from by dead hands." With a smirk, Ivan drew his sword from his sheath and struck a heroic pose. "IVAN USES WATERGUN" BUT AXEL WASN'T AFFECTED "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-" Screamed Ivan.
Axel charged a milky white orb of energy and shot it forth at blinding speed. Ivan could barley dodge the attack "Such power" He thought. A plume of dust erupted as Ivan bound forward, flipping forward in midair. With one powerful slash, Ivan shattered the magician's staff. Shard of metal broke in a fiery explosion as Ivan use his Hi-ougi, "Riking blade" Axel gasped, then shot an angry glare In Ivan's direction. "You...YOU FOOL! My staff, and even worse, the sword..." Axel's voice trailed to a mere whisper. The magician's word were true, Ivan looked at his blade to see his weapon shattered in many places, Only the hilt and handguard were in our hero's hands. "FAIL" Axel grinned. "NO U" Ivan retorted "K GUNNA FIX UR SORDS FUR MAH USE KTHXBAI...FUCK, SPILLED MUH WATER ON MUH." and with those last words, Axel used his Aids magic to Teleport to his brothel with the broken sword pieces.
Ivan looked around, parinoid of his surrounding. "THHHRRRREEEEEEEE DDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYSSSSSSSSSSSSSS..." Axel's voice said from an distance. "I'll be back, and stronger than ever." Ivan ajusted his cloak, looked off into the distance and dismissed the Mage's words. For Ivan...was on his way to the first town on his journey, Tessopia.
Post by Sesu Reinoruzu on Mar 19, 2011 11:31:33 GMT -5
Ivan stepped into town, the town folk were conversing among each other when there attention was brought to the lone swordsman with broken blade. "Who is that man" One man questioned. "Probably some fool on an unnecessary mission." His boyfriend responded.
Ivan headed for the inn, he was weary of the short battle beforehand. Upon entering the establishment, a young innkeeper, a girl with red hair pulled into a high ponytail. "Hello there madam." Ivan said. " A room for one please." "Fapping?" the innkeeper asked. "...no." Ivan said with a grim expression. " I'm tired from a battle with some creature of Aids who stole my blade. I'm in need of relaxation and pleasure." "Pleasure?" The woman slyly said. "Perhaps you and I..."Her voice trailed off. With a wide grin and a sudden feeling from below, Ivan took the woman from her post and into a vacant room. Ivan fumbled with the keys, all to happy with the outcome of the day, when suddenly, a crash from the outside. Ivan peered out a window and saw a man with an axe wildly attacking the local Mcdonalds while walking his small dragon dog. Our hero broke past the window in an ofh so dramatic fashion and glared angrily at the man. "Who be you, man of anger." Ivan snarled. "Nigga, mah names IvanX muthafuckin Reynolds" "And Why are you attacking such a sacred place?" "I must to save the life of my furry dragon friend." IvanX placed a hand on his pet and stroked its back. " Poor lil' fella been cursed, some bloody magic fool. She was riddled with aids and my friend here was hit by one of his enegry blasts. I fear she has little time to live and his life is running short. The cure for the lil' bugger Is said to be in this wall." " Who told you a stupid thing like that?" " The Aids user." " And tell you why you believe him." "Seems like a good kid, at heart, he wouldn't lie. "Are you somewhat...stupid?" "FUCK...YOU." "LOL NO U MAY NOT ;D" "FUUUUUUUU-" A sudden crash was heard at a distance. Dust covered the scene and as it gradually went down a demonic figure approached. It bore the a mark on it exposed skull with the word "LEXA" on its forehead. It moved in an unnatural matter, jerking it extremities with a constant motion. "That...That thing..." Ivan began " Is it really..." "Yes...It seems to be fapping..." Our hero's newfound ally said. The two stared off at the creature, took a battle stance and charged forward, into the fight ahead.
Post by Sesu Reinoruzu on Mar 19, 2011 11:32:15 GMT -5
IvanX, dove between the creature's leg, driving his axe deep past muscle and into bone. The crature let out a wild shreik and used it massive member to slap IvanX across the face, throwing him back several feet. Ivan looked past his ally's possibly sticky wounds and grabbed hold of a nearby rake. He spun the makeshift weapon in hand and scrached a far to iritaing itch on his anus. With a contented sigh, Ivan ran away in a manner most manly. "YOU DOUCHE!" IvanX bellowed, all the while removing the creature's sticky liquid from his face. "FRANKLY I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT." Retorted Ivan near the oposite end of town. "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"Began IvanX when he saw the creature spraying his companian, Tess, with a liquid similar to what he was covered in.
At the edge of town, Ivan began to follow the nature of his loins, flirting with every aractive woman who passed by him, all of whom responed with a slap and a curse. "Damn, no luck today." Ivan thought. "to many stuck up people here. Might as well help that one guy from before." With those words, Ivan turned back to the battle and began to throw repeadly rocks at his foe, a fair amount hitting IvanX in unmentionable places. IvanX, in a fit of rage, ran forth and pummeled the beast's head into a bloody skull of utter pain. The beast reared back, swaying its body parts in all known directions and ulimatly falling to the ground in a heap of blood. All the while, Ivan continued to throw rocks, but rather to entertain himself than to make sure the creature was dead. The two heroes looked towards each other, an itriqed smirk across there faces. "You seem to know how to fight, o' strange man with an axe." Ivan said. "And you seem to...uh...like woman. "IvanX responded. "Is your friend ok?" Ivan asked "Oddley so...i think so. I belive the beast's liquids might have cured Tess of her ailment. But now, I feel I owe you for saving me in the past battle." "I helped?" "Not really, but the readers are supposed to see you as a hero so....you know, gotta look heroic." "OIC" "Ya, so...now what?" "Well i'm on a journey to save the king of Glitchkillia from hunger." "Not without a weapon, your not." "Well the Aids magicain stole my blade and now I'm unarmed." "Well, I've heard of a legend...of a sword." "Legendary sword? sounds Cliche." "It is, and also is a copyright infingement." "You don't mean..." "Yes, were going for the M45+3r 5w0rD ."
Post by Sesu Reinoruzu on Mar 19, 2011 11:32:33 GMT -5
A day passed and our heroes were on a merciless journey to find the M45+3r 5w0rD deep in the HURR woods. "A Bloody day and nothing." Complained IvanX, all the while scratching a life threating groin itch. "You can't expect to fin much in these woods, My friend. Nature has a harsh way of playing tricks on the mind." "Well CLRLY i dun care, FAGGOT." IvanX angrily growled. "IvanX, If you are to succumb to such lowly words, are you truly fit for this journey?" Ivan asked, chuckling at his own use of the word "cum" "Well' you kn-" IvanX began but was soon interrupted by a wayward spear that seemed to skin his teeth. "STOP RIGHT THERE!" A geurdian ambusher screamed. The ambusher was a woman, dark in skin with the trademark yellow eyes of her people. "Give me all your rupies else I should stab a hole into your head. "I'll handle this hoe, Ivan. "IvanX took a step forward, but was held back by his friend. "No, she is a lady and must be treated as so. Allow me I'll take care of this nuisance."
>WILD GEURDO APPEARS >WHAT WILL IVAN DO? >ATTACK >BAG >PKNMS >RUN >>IVAN USES HIT ON >GEURDO WAS UNEFFECTED >GEURDO USES FONDLE BREAST >>IVAN IS AMUSED. >WHAT WILL IVAN DO? >ATTACK >BAG >PKNMS >RUN >>IVAN USES RAPESEX >GEURDO TRIES TO STOP >BUT GIVES IN >>IVAN GAINED 1337 EXP >IVAN OBTAINED SEXY PANT-SU
"And THAT is how you treat a woman."Ivan said "Well I could have figured that much out, dumbass." IvanX cursed\ Ivan rose from the body of his foes and walked away all to happy...until. "Baby, where you going? "The Geurdo asked. "Uhh...Don't worry hun, going to get breakfest, I'll be right back." "No, I'll go with you." "Really its not nessisary" "But I thought we were going to stay home today." "Yeah weeeell...I have work...right now." "Oh goodie, I'll drop you off then" "I'll walk, need the exersize." "I'll walk with you then baby." "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"Ivan screamed, unable to outwit his dastardly opponent.
And so the two, possiblt three heroes set out the continue to fin the M45+3r 5w0rD. "Honey, can we go to JCPenny, I saw this real cut-" "NO!"
Post by Sesu Reinoruzu on Mar 19, 2011 11:32:50 GMT -5
Our heroes, now with a newfound large-breasted female, made there way to a temple, deep in the HURR wood. "It would seem we have some some sort of temple" Ivan though. "we've founds some sort of temple." IvanX stated. "Indeed." Ivan though. "Indeed IvanX spoke." "STOP COPYFAG" Ivan ranted, wailing his fists at his friend. "NO U!" Retorted IvanX all to heroicly. "FUUU- I'm the hero, dun show me up." "Well, if yer wern't so bloody fuckin' blue i wouldn't need to. "Lolwut" The young geurdian woman said. "Come to think of it,"IvanX began,"We never learned your name madam." "My accent abusing friend does make a good point, perhap, you may bless me with the melody that is your name." "My name,"she spoke"...you may call me Aisha (I-sh-uh, n. Aisha- a female name used in southern arabic countrys.)" "How lovely, did you quote that directly from websters or from some other fag" Ivan asked. "Who cares," IvanX stuck" We found a temple, it's fancy, and i'm sure the M45+3r 5w0rD is somewhere in there." "You make a great point, my friend."Looking up to view just how large the temple was, a shiver ran thought Ivan's spine." A place so large, it would takes several fortnights to find a treasure like the M45+3r 5w0rD." "Ivan,"IvanX said "Imma here to help ye, were good ol' friends I'll tell you what." "I wish to help as well," Aisha said, " I feel a deep bond to you master Ivan." "Master?" Both IvanX and Ivan questioned. "Yes, master Ivan is now my master. After that brilliant display of sexual deviance, a spell I had been placed under was broken, by the might of your pen0r master Ivan." "AAAAAAAnd why did'nt you tell us you under a spell beforehand.?" IvanX asked. "It adds to the plat and suspecen that the writer is making up along as he goes." stated Aisha. "Indeed" the three said. After a quick nod to each other, the three heroes walked into the stange temple, only to have the words "TEMPLE OF LIGHT" appears drmaticly in the airs, almost as if painting an image for someone who had the strange abillity to veiw this epic and true tale as written literature.
Post by Sesu Reinoruzu on Mar 19, 2011 11:33:05 GMT -5
An eerie feel flooded our heroes at the sight of the decaying walls and tattered stones lining the great Temple of Light. "At mating ground for danger, that this is." IvanX said. "You seem to be right." Ivan spoke, noticing the corpses of what he could only assume were past adventurers. The three investigated their surroundings. There was several dead bodies, a few Skulltula nest, the occasional skull, and an odd full plate armored knight-like fellow wielding enough weapons to fill an armory.
That knight, he attacked.
IvanX barley sidestepped away from a sword swing that cracked the cobblestone flooring. "WTF?!" blurted IvanX. "How the bloody fuck didn't we notice him?" Before anyone could respond, the knight tossed his weapon at Ivan, whom dodged the projectile with great expertise. "WHO MAY THY BE?" The Knight said in a deep, booming voice. "Why the hell did't ye ask us that eariler mate, ye know, before ye try toaquant my skull with yer blade. "I KNOW NOT OF WHAT YOU SPEAK."The knight said. "Sir, you tryed to kill my Master," Ashia began." We all saw it. "YOU SPEAK LIES, FEMALE. RETURN TO YOUR KITCHEN NOW." "HEY, no one speak to my sex slave in that manner...unless your me...or IvanX...or well everyone else, but not some lumbering bucket-head! "Ivan Yelled. "YOUR WORDS STING CHILD." The Knight Said. "Well, sir, I'll ignore your hurt feelings and ask you, Do you know the whereabouts of the M45+3r 5w0rD. The knight Pulled a weapons from his sheath witch gleams in the empty light. "WHAT YOUR LOOKING FOR IS IN MY HANDS CHILD." The Three heroes looked towards each othe and charged.
Post by Sesu Reinoruzu on Mar 19, 2011 11:33:30 GMT -5
IvanX drove past the Knights left, swinging a wide arc with his axe. The weapon bounced off leaving no trace of a hit. "Shit, I'm as useless as bubble man. "Grumbled IvanX. " YOUNG AXE WIELDER, YOU I WARN YOU, MY ARMOR IS IMPENETRABLE." "No shit Sherlock" IvanX retorted. Ivan leaned against a rock heroically avoiding the fight. Ey mate, I could use zeh halp abouta now." IvanX growled "Must I?" Asked Ivan "Yeah man, don be fretting homie. I be needing yer help with this foo. Ivan broke into a dash, flailing kicks at the knights mighty armor. "YOU FOOL, I'VE TOLD YOU I CANNOT BE HARMED."The knight responed with a backhand slap. " I SHALL SLAY YE WITH THE TREASURE YOUR SEARCHING FOR. The Knight drew the M45+3r 5w0rD from its sheath. "SSSSHHIIIIIIINK" The Knight drew another blade from a nearby corpse. "YOU'LL NOT LIVE PAST THIS DAY CHILD." Ivan followed suit, taking the blade from an impaled body and bracing himself for a fight. "IvanX, stand back and protect Aisha, she is a woman and cannot fight." "Go fuck yourself master" Aisha cursed
The knight's punishing gaze broke through his plate helmet and sought Ivan. "YOU SHOULD FEAR CHILD, I'VE ALREADY KILLED YOUR FRIENDS." "Uh...no you didn't...there standing right there" Ivan pointed out "UHHH...NO THERE NOT" "YEAH, they are." "GO FUCK YOURSELF." And with those words, the battle begun.
The knight charged in sweeping low with both blades, forcing Ivan to step back, all in line with the Knight's tactics. Ivan took the moment his foe was using to return to his idle animation to thrust at the Knights armor, causing no visible damage. The patten repeated until the Knight had forced Ivan into a corner. "YOU LEAVE YOURSELF OPEN TO ATTACK FAR TO OFTER CHILD,I SHOULD END THIS CHARADE OF A FIGHT NOW." The Knight stabbed both blades, one high and one low.
IvanX was shocked.
Aisha was scared
The Knight grinned under his helmet.
And Ivan...was impaled onto the wall, dread seeping onto his face like the blood that dripped from his body.The knight slowly drew the blades back, making sure to watch his foe's face writhe in pain. Ivan fell to the floor in a slump. "I WARNED YOU OF THE CONSEQUENCES O THIS FIGHT CHILD, YET YOU IGNORED MY WORDS." The knight turned back to face IvanX and Aisha, whom where reacting with anger and tears. "Y...YOU FUCKER." IvanX ran forth, making a mad dash directly at the knight. "YE KILLED IVAN! YE KILLED IVAN." IvanX swung his axe wildy, blind fury fueling ever slice. "I WARNED HIM. SUCH POWER AS THE M45+3r 5w0rD SHOULD NEVER BELONG TO A MORTAL." The knight said "HE WOULD ONLY HAVED DIED WIELDING SUCH A WEAPON." "And...why do *cough* do you say that, fine knight?" Said Ivan as he rose into a defiant stance. "YOUR STUBBORN CHILD, WHY PROLONG YOUR PAIN?" Asked the Knight. "Be...because, "Ivan said, raising his hand parallel to his face." I have this.
A golden light shone from Ivan's hand and the vague shape of triangle, separated into four sections, glowed a dim golden hue. "Never underestimate what a so called 'child' can do." With a grin, I van stood erect and dashed at the knight with a god-like speed. In a mad riot of slashes, all which seemed to burn with a couragous power, sheared the Knight's armored to shreds.
"WHAT IS THIS?!" The Knight yelled. "YOUR NOT HUMAN ARE YOU?!" Ivan moved a lock of hair from the side of his face, revealing his ear, pointed at the tip and rather long. "Your Right Sir Knight," Ivan stood with a confident smirk, ignoring the gaping wounds in this body. "I'm a hylian."
Post by Sesu Reinoruzu on Mar 19, 2011 11:34:15 GMT -5
'GAHHHH! YOU INSIGNIFICANT BRAT, HOW DARE YOU SHEAR MY FABULOUS ARMOR?!?" The knight screeched.
"You know...*cough* Your powerless to th- *cough* the might of an awaken Hylian." Ivan Raised his sword to srtike a finishing blow unto the knight. "You have died honorably, sir knight...rest well." Then out of the Fucking blue IvanX totally appeared and killed the knight. "FOCK YA, eh!" IvanX yelled. A golden text appeared over IvanX readin the words +548 Exp Level up!
"WHAT THE HELL MAN!" Ivan bitched. "That was my kill, I bet you steal kill on team battles in Melee."
"But ze knight might-ah hurt-ah you, a-pizza" IvanX responded.
"Guys, we got the M45+3r 5w0rD already, no need to complain." reasoned Aisha
"But I would've leveled up and learned that new skill. I think it was 'zio'"
"What the bloody fuck is 'zio'" asked IvanX.
"Its the name given to lightning skill in Megaten games. zio is a weak one hit attack, where adding 'ma-' to the beginning means it hits all enemys on the field. Adding -nga to the end makes it deal a medium amount a damage and -dyne make it a high damaging attack. From there on the highest damage dealing skill of that element has a name of its own that doesn't pertain to the per-mentioned format." Ivan casually explained.
"Oh, m'kay." IvanX and Aisha muttered.
Ivan stretched a bit and cringed at his wounds. The healing progress of his awakened Hylian status slowly began to heal him, like in an anime. With a swift kick of his foot, Ivan kicked the M45+3r 5w0rD expertly into the air, catching it mid-spin. "We got what we came for," Ivan muttered," Lets get the hell out of here." As the group began to leave, a deep rumbling noise echoed behind them. They turned around and stared in awe, fear, and discust at what they faced.
Post by Sesu Reinoruzu on Mar 19, 2011 11:35:18 GMT -5
(quick history lesson)
Lexa the great bore many children in his lifetime, all to other men or the occasional llama. These children go on to become slaves under his hand so they might please their father and be released to live normal lives. But there was one child by the name of Bobbo, whom escaped when he was young to live the life of the average chicken kepper.
Bobbo trained his chicken dillegently to fire their eggs, usually at the foxs whom attack them. Bobbos chickens eventually became a staple in King Punk's army once he saw the destructive might of these anally fired eggs.
Today, Bobbo the chickenkeeper spends his days training his chicken so that the King mightfind them usefull as food as well. (I swear this isn't a way to finally put Bobbo in here and plan out future things.)
(Back to Ivan and co.)
A man, large in stature with bulgin muscles emerged from what seem to be nowhere, his bannana hamock conealing his loins. "Oh mah gawd, whatever happened here?" The man asked, refering to the recent bloodshed. "My oh my, it looks like you slain the knight whos kept me captive for all these years."
"Captive, are you hurt then." Asked Ivan.
"Oh, of course not hunny. You see, I'm that knight's mistress and I-"
Ivan and co. ran away. Once outside of the temple, Ivan and his friends decided on a plan. "M'kay, so we liek got dem sword, now wut?" Asked IvanX "Well considering how I was never informed as to what you were doing before I met you, perhaps we could go and find a nice place to camp, considering its been a long day.
"Might as well, but your cooking, woman." Ivan said. "As you wish, master."
Ivan nodded and left IvanX to his drinking. Aisha was cooking a hearty bowl of clam chowder using nothing but the wildlife and water from a stream that flowed near.
"I still don't quite understand you Aisha, you ambush me and IvanX and suddenly, after a quick sensual moment, you decide to join us claiming that I am you master. Your actions are stupid and irrational, explain your real purpose." Ivan stated. "Are you asking if I have ulterior motives?" "Clrly I am, now answer me." Ivan's voice was cold and demanding. "Well I'm not sure I should, I have some dignity you know." "Well maybe I could trust you more if-" Ivan was cut off by a innocent stone tossed his way by IvanX.
"Heeeeeeey, whyz r uz levin me out?" IvanX asked "Imma partz of dis stoory two."
Ivan and Aisha's eyes met and they laughed. They laughed hard. IvanX was honestly drunk off of plain kool-aid. As a joke Ivan, took a swig from what he deduced as the 12th bottle IvanX drank, which still had some liquid swishing in it. The drink sat still in his mouth as Ivan tested the flavor.
Of course Ivan realized IvanX Kool-aid was some sort of alcoholic beverage that seemed like it would kill our hero via a simple sip.
Some time later after Ivan finished vomiting the drink and cleaning his mouth, he returned to camp to find both IvanX and Aisha so utterly drunk, they were dueling an amazing battle. Aisha with her spear, and IvanX with his penis. The combatants twirled their weapons and stepped forth. They both tripped and ivan lol'd The end
Post by Sesu Reinoruzu on Mar 19, 2011 11:36:28 GMT -5
A free "Beta" chapter I'm too lazy to finish.
Axel of Aids, paced his living quarters like a terrorist speaks with turtles, quite violently. "Damn damn damn... This stupid sword doesn't seem to be able to be fixed." Axel promised Ivan he would return in three days after fixing his stolen sword, only the promise was severed due to Axel being incompetent and not fixing the sword at all. In fact in the time since the theft, 2 weeks, Axel has managed to break the sword more so that before. With a deep sigh, Axel dismissed the sword from his mind. He checked his PMs on an web forum and lold at screenied pics of a guy who passed out in an underground lair. The man apparently drunk wine and passed out due to low alcohol tolerance.
After that, The Aids Magician decided to focus on his television for a few hour on end.
Eventually he returnred from his procrasterbating and returned to the shattered remains of Ivan's Sword. "Crystal IvanX..." Axel said under his breathe as he conciplated other options to repair the sword.
Else where, deep in Axel dungeons, an unstable experiment b
Post by Sesu Reinoruzu on Mar 19, 2011 11:37:00 GMT -5
It was around high noon when our heroes ventured out of their camp. Ivan retrieved the M45+3r 5w0rd and the characters of this non-fiction story, now lacked any proper goal, aside from drinking and spelling their names in urine. With no purpose in mind, the three wandered deep into the woods surrounding their campsite. For what seemed like hours, left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot.
Soon, dark thoughts creeped in. The three felt as if their bodies were reduced to animated bones. Then hunger gnawed at them. Ivan took note of how much of Aisha could be split between himself and IvanX( in a non-sexual I-WANT-FOOD kinda of way.) Then Fear became their acquaintance. Aisha could swear she saw figures in her peripheral vision, accompanied by a fitting laughter. Then anger found a way into their hearts. IvanX really, REALLY hated the expressions of his two friends, enough to beat them both and make suit out of their flesh.
The three continued to walk, despite their emotional trauma, and then...there was darkness. The kind of darkness that existed only in your childhood nightmares. Dreams of a so-called monster that's only purpose was to eat you. Of course this monster understood that fear made children taste better. So the monster lurked everywhere you looked, waiting for you to notice him and cry when your eyes meet. Yes, this monster, no, this darkness was the darkness that was held deep in ones heart to torment oneself arose before our heroes, and then, they blacked out.
They awoke, tied together with a primiative rope. IvanX was the first to complain "IVAN! THIS IS NOT TIME FOR YOUR KINKY SHIT" Although Ivan liked the idea, he had other plans, plans to find out what was happening "Shh, it wasn't my fault" Aisha was quick to reply "No, I'm pretty sure you're behind this" IvanX agreed "This is typical, let us go before I boot your head in with my hand!" "But IvanX, you cant boot someone with your hand." "Oh right, my bad Aisha" "Quiet!" Muttered Ivan, "I have a bad feeling about this" "Nope, thats just my leg." "Don't mess around IvanX" "WELL STOP FONDLING MY LEG!" Suddenly, a noise echoed through the darkness
A series of creatures crackled in a horrid high pitched tone. The three heroes equipped their mass produced Lens o' Truth and saw through the darkness. They were greeted with creatures, the size of a child, with wooden features and piercing orange eyes that stood surrounded by a lime green used for transparency purposes. After looking around, and counting each creature known simply as "Skullkid", Ivan guess they were about alot of them. Like alot alot. I mean a damn village's worth. Each one cocking their head and awaiting some sort of task. Twas one whom was easily recognized as leader of the wooden children. It wore a flamboyant purple robe, trimmed with a golden hue. "My friends, brother, and sisters." It's voice rang. "We have before us, our new vessel. The mask spoke to me and said one of these three will become his new body." At this, the many skullkids cheered. "For decades, we have looked for a proper body for our lord, or years we have felt the pain of a life lost in a thousand days. We never were gunna give him up, never gunna let him down. He is our god." IvanX stifled a laugh, getting the two song references. The skull-leader, didn't take kindly to it. "You, laughing man, you'll be the first to wear the mask. Prepare yourself, for the soul of the Skull-God."
Post by Sesu Reinoruzu on Mar 19, 2011 11:37:23 GMT -5
"Haha, you'd best be kidding, you lovable wooden creature." IvanX said; a discontent expression plasters over his features.
"Why would we be 'kidding'?" the Skull leader asked, "You have insulted the pride of our lord and shall pay for your insolence." The skull leader clapped his tiny hands and another skull child left, returning soon after bearing a small chest.
"Ah, you have done well, my child!" the Skull leader exclaimed, turning to face IvanX directly." Are you ready, young vessel, for the spirit that inhabits our god's chosen mask?!" IvanX shut his eyes, fearing the inevitable. The leader drew forth a small object, placing it unto IvanX's head. It constricted the top of our hero's head, seemingly eating him from the top down. A sudden feeling of power surged throughout IvanX's body, his head feeling compressed by the foreign presence. IvanX, himself, was in an explicit show of pain. His screams echoing far and deep into the infinite black woods. Eyes widening; a feeling of heaving greeted IvanX. His breathes became short and hoarse. Time stood still as IvanX let out one final scream.
“DAMN THIS IS TIGHT! Loosen it up will you!” The skull kids were quick to exact his command. They loosen their god’s chosen mask. The object rested like a crown upon IvanX’s heads its crimson sheen and silver brim appearing supreme.
“That not a mask,” Ivan wittingly remarked, “It looks like a cap.” The skull kids seemed to become like a swarm of angry bees, raging at the hylian’s remark.
“M-master, are you going to let this insolent child insult your mask like that?!” One skull kids asked IvanX.
“Uhh…no?” IvanX replied, “Punish the boy by…uhh...I don’t know, doing normal punishy stuff.” The skull children responded by dragging Ivan off to a secluded area. IvanX began to realize the position he was in, and did the only sane thing he could think of.
“Gimme his sword too.” The skull children did just that, taking the M45+3r 5w0rd from Ivan and bringing it to their faux god. Ivan spouted a number of curses in that distance, most refer to his friend being a big a-hole.
“Wh-what the hell are you doing IvanX?!” sputtered Aisha.
“I am a GOD, you will refer to me as GOD not IvanX. Young lady, this GOD has the perfect thing in store for you…” IvanX trailed off into a haunted grin.
Hours later, Ivan was resting from his vile round of being made fun of, Aisha was dressed up as a carrot and left to die from bunnies, and IvanX, or rather, GOD, was busy searching through a box containing the past mask gods of the Skull children. After a course of exploding from a bomb shaped mask and of course, wearing bunny ears, IvanX’s eyes happen to find a chest, wrapped in crisscrossing chains. Using the M45+3r 5w0rd he took from his friend, he forced the chest open to find a curious mask. The mask was fashioned in a heart shape, with two great, yellow eyes peering out over purple lines of despair, spikes shimmering on the edges. With a wry smile, IvanX removed his cap, and placed the mask onto his face. IvanX’s heart suddenly began to race. He grasped at his form, unsure of what his body was reacting too. He lurched over to the side, tripping over a root and stumbling into a tree. The surreal feeling of change surrounded the skull children’s new god, as he realized his body has changed, his body growing larger and forming features similar to the mask. A blood terror rose up in him, and he was filled with repressed anger, jealousy, and a general desire to hurt other. IvanX realized he wasn’t IvanX anymore, but more importantly, he realized he was dead.
Post by Sesu Reinoruzu on Mar 20, 2011 6:20:18 GMT -5
A crash and a small explosion alerted our heroes to the problem at hand, Ivan and Aisha (whom escaped by calling an old friend who kept chickens for a living to send a small army of chicken soldiers to fight the bunnies) rushed toward the Skull Gods room. The outside was completely trashed and there were Skullkids on the floor, passed out. Aisha stayed behind to find information on the noises and to also steal jewelery while Ivan ran into the room.
The wall had been blasted open by some unknown force, the masks of the former Skull Gods were scattered on the floor as if they had been tossed aside for something more important. Ivan stepped forward to find only three items left in the room. The M45+3r 5w0rD seemed to have been left behind along with an open chest and an empty bottle. The sword seemed to have something flaky on the handle, as if it had been burned onto it.
Aisha rushed in with grim news. "The Skullkids have a horrible taste in fashion." Ivan couldn't believe his ears. "I cant believe my ears!" Ivan roared as he rolled his eyes. "You do realize that IvanX is gone and he left his flashy God Mask behind?" "And that means we have to go after him and find out why he fled?" "No, lol, he's a jerk, it means I can rule the Skullkids." "You mean 'we'?" "Silence woman! The Skull God demands you are silent!"
The Skull leader dragged himself into the room, his mouth was dripping with blood and he had the ugliest grin on his face, it was so ugly that if he had a job at a bakery, his task would be to plant his face into the dough to make gorilla biscuits. "The true Skull God rises again! One with an impure heart was needed to be the host, that impurity is like cracks in the soul and allows our God to seep in and take the body of your friend, he is doomed lol." Aisha looked sideways at Ivan for a split second before she spoke. "And Ivan-" "WE" "-we are not impure? We're not even a little rough?"
The Skull God replied slowly so that a woman could understand. "Your minds and actions may be impure, but your hearts are not, something is different about your friend-" As the Skull Leader spoke, Ivan was thinking of a very brave plan to rescue his Australian friend that would make him look like a hero and IvanX like a loser, he grinned to himself over the outcome. "-, his heart was cracked and that was what killed him in the end."
"Killed...? He's surely not...?" "Yes idiot, dead, the Skull God cannot host a body if the existing soul is alive, luckily when being possessed the soul withers, there is nothing you can do." the skull leader finished, he started laughing, a laugh that made Ivan's Hylian neck hairs stand on end, his hand started glowing again as he felt anger toward this 'Skull God' for taking his friends life, the M45+3r 5w0rD started shaking as he reached for it and glared toward the Skull Leader.
"It's no use fool, our God cannot be defeated." "Watch me, come on Aisha (whom didn't get any of the story as she was playing with her hair and admiring her newest trinkets), we're going after IvanX's body." The Skull leader was drawing his last breath as he spoke. "Very well, I hope you die at the hands of your friends body, you are looking for our God? It's name is Majora, if you fight it then I will see you in hell." The body of the Skull leader collapsed, he was dead.
Ivan turned toward the hole in the wall where the Skull God left, the mask of an evil creature, the Majora's Mask as he decided to call it. His mind must have been playing tricks on him, he thought he saw a pair of yellow, menacing eyes staring at him.
This chapter was written by me, the story is consistent with Ivan's.